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Saturday, September 15th, 2012
11:18 am
damn
there are so many beautiful pieces of these people i know and we're all failing; i can't save you all; i can't even save myself [and i don't even want to].

8 9 d a y s t o g o

current mood: he said i had a wonderful ass.

(6 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Thursday, December 16th, 2010
11:49 am - five funerals in five months.
it's too much. 16 days ago; it has been a little over two weeks since i talked to you. and unlike the other, [MAYBE i could have done something. if i had more, i could have done more for her] i should have been there; you asked me to be there. i felt like i should do something to stop you, but i didn't want you thinking i was stepping on your toes. [listen to your intuition, any of you clairvoyants.] but i said i wasn't coming, you said "oh." but you said you'd be there "tomorrow."

you weren't there.

it's one of those "wrong place, wrong time, wrong people." kind of things. WATCH YOUR COMPANY. i can't believe this idiot didn't know what to do. i played nice with him over the phone while you lay in the hospital, dead (i didn't know it yet). and i showed up! to the hospital; only hours ago we'd been talking--you wrote a little note right after i spoke with you. was it something i said? did you know what would happen? you thought he could save you but he DIDN'T, i would have. i have in the past.

i could have saved you one more time.
i mean, eventually, it is inevitable. i guess i know it deep down; i'm not sure if you did, though. you didn't do so well on the whole following-through-to-the-end bit when it came to very involved things in the past... the last time i saw you, i knew i should hug you because i wouldn't see you again for a long time. i didn't understand the feeling and watched you sliding on the ice, laughing, through my window. i drove away.



everyone keeps dying.
five months ago my "twin" died. 16 days ago my good friend died. we didn't ever put anything in exact terms, but she'd turned into one of my only companions. i don't let people in much, these days. i keep telling people that ask that next year will be a better one, but i can't see over the horizon; something in my bones, my blood, my brains, my guts, tells me i am poisoned.

current mood: full of jagged rocks.

(7 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Monday, May 10th, 2010
11:39 pm
Elicia [Helena] Hall (heroin_shriek), my cousin, "twin," and one of my best friends ever in the world passed away on Friday. Services will be Saturday May 15th at 11 a.m. - Church of Christ New Hope Chapel 9460 Portage Street Northwest, Massillon, OH - (330) 837-4991
Show up if you are able; it would mean a lot.

current mood: nothing.

(10 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Monday, March 1st, 2010
9:12 pm


current mood: full

(6 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
9:59 pm


current mood: (missyou).

(8 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Monday, June 8th, 2009
1:08 am
i keep seeing ghosts everywhere i go.

current mood: cold/tired.

(17 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
3:41 am - you love the people who love you
he says
i love you


i thought i was the only one looking out for me
but i guess he's actually getting there
and sometimes i think i don't care
but i'm fooling myself

& i wouldn't trade you for nothin'
& i hope you don't go away

my heart is torn
sometimes i wonder if it even matters

current mood: worried

(flowing through the strip)

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
5:37 pm




["i'd tell you that i love you if i was allowed."]


current mood: about to burst.

(5 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Thursday, March 20th, 2008
6:40 pm - nothin' personal.


current mood: chopped uppp.

(5 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
9:48 pm - dead & dreaming

not just evil twins;
twin evils. ♥

(we will destroy anything else.)

current mood: satisfied.

(10 gallons of rubbing alcohol | flowing through the strip)


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